Moments like this are what hurt me the most. My grandfather is dying. He has cancer and it’s only a matter of time. But that’s not even the upsetting part; I am upset at him because even though he has fucking cancer and it’s all throughout his body, and he can barely stand, he still refuses whenever anyone offers to help somehow.

To be honest, I never really liked him much. He is the tree which my father sadly fell close too. He is the origin of it all. But he will be gone soon, and I don’t know whether cancer will be the death of him or pride.

But even now, when I am upset about it, all I want to do is text you and talk to you. I just want to call you and cry and hug you. I miss my best friend. I know I said I would never write about you again but here I am, after all this time, because I need my best friend right now. I just want him to hold me while I cry and tell me that I can get through it like he use too. But even if I set aside my own beliefs and did that he wouldn’t come back. He knows that he is bad for me and I know I’m bad for him. But god damn it was good when it was good, and I miss that good.

My grandpa isn’t the only person dying, but it seems like everyone wants to shower these tragic events with false optimism and hope. My family has a habit of throwing it under the rug until it’s too late.

Everything kind of sucks right now.